I'm nowhere near 100%, so I'm trying to be careful with myself. This means no gender meta for month_of_meta
, unfortunately. If I weren't working, sure, but I can't put that much on my plate. Self care, it's all about self care. I might
write the little D&D alignments meta. That would be much less difficult. But we'll see. Self care! My emotional health is more important than internet deadlines. (And I'm going to keep repeating that until I, hopefully, believe it.)
I'm also not signing up as pich hitter for wcpairings
. I know I said I would in an attempt to alleviate the guilt, but like I said, self care. Heh, besides, right now they only have one opening, and that's the space I left, I deduce.
Speaking of internet deadlines, I really need to get started on my big bang. I have other fics I wanted to finish--one very belatedly for the Neal/Sara fest and one or two for whitecollarhc
's ComFest, but I don't know how long that could take me. I am such
a slow writer. At least I got kink_bingo
out of the way. I tell myself that people always like getting fic, even if it's months after the fact. THEY DO, RIGHT? I'M NOT WRONG THERE? Besides, the one was I was working on for ComFest may or may not be crap. (I couldn't tell if I thought it was crap because I was depressed, or if I thought it was crap because it actually was crap. Of course, it might have been crap because I was depressed.)
Now my real problem is actually starting the big bang. This is always the worst part. Actually beginning. I don't exactly have an outline, but I have a list of events that are supposed to happen and some issues I want to deal with. But writing that first sentence... I seem to be having trouble with that part. Starting is always difficult, but it's less intimidating for short fics. I don't have so much to tackle, and there's no pressure on them to hit that word length. (Why did I think this was a good idea?)
In the interest of motivating myself, would the people in my circle who participating in big bang (and those who want to cheer us on) be interested in setting up a time and place to chat? It might be a stupid idea, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
For the moment, however, I'm just going to listen to a lot of sixties music and take some (prescribed, psychiatric) drugs. Maybe I'll try to write a little later. And this evening, I do believe there will be Doctor Who.This entry was originally posted at http://veleda-k.dreamwidth.org/326596.html. Please consider commenting there.
I appear to have pulled myself back from a complete emotional collapse. I didn't post about it at the time, but it was... ugly. I'm pretty worn down from it. So, if I don't answer a lot of comments, or respond to a lot of posts, that's why.