Embryo of Philosophy

So, I finally went ahead and bought a paid dreamwidth account. La, la, la, money burns a hole in my pocket.

But that's not what I came here to talk to you about. I came to talk about the draft books.


So, for the past few months, I've been on an Arthurian legend kick. No, I have absolutely no idea where it came from, why do you ask? It certainly doesn't have anything to do with a certain British television show, no. I've reread The Lost Years of Merlin quartet, and I Am Morgan le Fay, both of which I recommend. I also read The Once and Future King and The Book of Merlyn. The former is indispensable, while the latter certainly has lovely prose, but I'm not sure that I really needed nearly two-hundred pages of T. H. White's political views put into the mouths of Merlin and Arthur. However, both did manage to break my heart. Oh, how I cried at the end of The Once and Future King. (Aside: I was at my mom's, and when she asked me why I had been crying, I told her that I had just finished The Once and Future King. She thought that I said Lord of the Rings and couldn't figure out why I was so bloody depressed.)

I'm now reading Le Morte Darthur by Sir Thomas Malory. Virtually every version of Arthur's story that you've encountered--from Disney's "The Sword and the Stone", to The Mists of Avalon, to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"--are somehow based on Malory. This can create the problem in which people assume that Malory's version is the "original story." Every time someone rants that BBC's Merlin has deviated from the original legend, I want to chime in, "Yeah! They put in an attraction between Guinevere and Lancelot! That wasn't in the 6th-century poems! Hell, Lancelot wasn't there at all!" But I'm contrary that way.

Anyway, I was nervous about starting the book. What if it was boring or impossible to understand? (To quote Mark Twain, "A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.") But my version, which is edited by R. M. Lumiansky, is very readable. Lumiansky (mostly) modernized the spelling, replaced some archaic words with words familiar to the modern reader, and cleared up some pronoun usage. Hardly a bastardization of the text, and it creates a book that I can actually read, unlike the versions I looked at in the school library.

I'm only to page three hundred and seventy (out of seven hundred and fifty), so I can't fully discuss it. So far, my favorite story is Sir Gareth's, which I present to you here, slightly paraphrased.

( Read more... )

Of course, I'm likely so fond of Lynet because she has an actual discernible personality. Sure that personality is being jerk, but at least it's something. Sir Malory was apparently writing before they invented characterization. Most of the characters act largely the same, with a few jerks (Lynet, Kay). Or you can be evil. But the evil people act mostly the same, and they often become good, at least if they're men. See, you become good by being defeated in honorable combat. Women cannot be defeated in honorable combat, so they have no way to become good. Oh, and there's one character who's a coward. Sir Dinadan, if I remember correctly.

Note that I'm having difficulty remembering which character is which, after just reading the portion that he appears in. This is because there are so many bloody characters. I've given up trying to remember all the names of the various knights who show up.

I'm currently in the middle of the Tristram and Isoud story, which may explain why I'm losing momentum. I never could really get into their story. Maybe it's because they're mostly portrayed as being the victims of a love potion, and I can't get behind a grand great love that's artificially induced. At least with Malory, they love each other before. The love potion just cements things.

Or maybe I'm simply losing momentum because I'm just a little more than halfway through a seven hundred and fifty page book that's highly repetitive, with characters who all sound alike. And it is repetitive. The various battles all run into each other after a while, the story of La Cote Male Tayle is largely Sir Gareth's story all over again, and I still maintain that Tristram and Isoud are a poor man's Lancelot and Guinevere. Maybe I should take a break and read something else a little simpler. I have been wanting to reread the Harry Potter novels. Of course, that would mean going to the library, and I'm not supposed to leave the house for a few more days.

So, that's my book rambling. Don't you feel edified?

I'm skipping anime club for the fourth time in a row. I can hardly believe it. That's been my one guaranteed thing ever since I started CU. But the first week, I went to a book signing by one of my favorite authors, the second week I had pulled an all-nighter and could do little more than go home and collapse, last week... uh, I honestly don't remember. This week, I just can't be bothered. I have to go back eventually, as I borrowed some manga from another member, but...

If I could get myself to do some schoolwork, the night wouldn't be a total loss. School is just killing me. I'm not sure how long I can go on like this. Plus, I appear to have acquired a terminal case of Do Not Give a Damn. This is not good for my GPA. I'm losing my damn mind.

But in "Oh my god, oh my god, this is too unbelievably amazing for words!" news, John Cameron Mitchell, director and star of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch," my very favorite movie ever, is going to be at CU! I'll copy and paste the email that I was sent.

On March 16th and 17th the Conference on World Affairs Athenaeum Lecture Series will host filmmaker John Cameron Mitchell on CU's campus. Mr. Mitchell is best known for writing, directing, and starring in the 2001 rock musical film "Hedwig and the Angry Inch," which received the Best Director and Audience Awards at the Sundance Film Festival. His second film, the sexually frank "Shortbus" (2006), won various awards at the Athens and Zurich festivals. As an actor, Mr. Mitchell has also appeared in the original Broadway casts of "The Secret Garden," "Six Degrees of Separation" and "Big River."

On Monday, March 16th Mr. Mitchell will screen "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" in Muenzinger Auditorium at 7 PM and follow with a Q&A. The screening is free and open to the public.

On Tuesday, March 17th at 7 PM Mr. Mitchell will be featured at a FREE catered student dinner, entitled "Hedwig: Life of an Indie Bombshell." He will eat with everyone, and then give a talk on his career experiences as an actor, writer, and director. Seating is limited so to attend you must send an RSVP to ATH@colorado.edu.

I'm really hoping that he'll be able to sign stuff. But what to get signed? I'll probably have my Hedwig script and lyric book signed. I don't have the CD anymore, ever since someone at my dad's house ruined it. (Luckily, the music was ripped to my computer.) I wonder if I'll be able to get more than one thing signed. The movie too, then?

Of course, it will still be wonderful, even if I don't get an autograph. I'm so excited!

Argh, so much shit to do, but let's fit a post in.

We're reading Stone Butch Blues in my lesbian lit class. It's the third time I've read it. What's really interesting is the different way it's affected me each time. The first time I read it, I was thirteen or fourteen and just beginning to understand myself as queer, and it shaped my understanding of queer history and culture. (I still find myself surprised when I meet someone in the community who doesn't understand the basics of butch/femme dynamics.) The second time I read it, well, mostly, it really depressed me. Being queer isn't puppies and sunshine right now, but at least no one's going to arrest me because I'm not wearing three pieces of woman's clothing. But this time... this time it didn't make me sad at all. It made me feel proud of who I am. And more than that, it made me feel ready to stop thinking about what I want to do in the future and start thinking about what I'm going to do right now.

I've been looking up the necessary steps for a name change in Colorado. Bloody complicated and expensive, I'll tell you that. But I'm tired of that little flinch I feel whenever I use my birth name. So, I'm going with a gender neutral shortening of my birth name, and my middle name will no longer be the very girly "Marie," but the gender neutral "Leslie." (Yes, after the author of Stone Butch Blues.) I will be left with completely gender neutral name. I'm planning on starting on that over spring break, with my mother's help. (She's a paralegal, and so knows far more about law than I do.)

Speaking of my mother, I keep forgetting that she's not the same judgmental, bigot that she used to be. I mean, sure, she still blames herself for my queerness, and may very well believe to her dying day that my transgenderism is a phase, but that matters far less to me than the fact she's being supportive and helpful. I was really nervous about telling her about the name change, but she was great.

What's really amazing is that she feels she can joke about it. She told me that instead of Leslie, I should change my middle name to Mario, as it would only require changing one letter.Also, she thinks that I should change my first name to "Bosco." See, that's what she and my dad called me before they knew what sex I was going to be. (Which was so very helpful in the long run.)

The other thing I'm trying to do is buy a binder. Not a three ring binder, I mean something to bind my breasts. This is a bit troublesome. First, there's deciding what to get. I've decided to get something from Underworks, which has experience with ftm (female to male) clients. There's still several choices though. I've narrowed it down to the Power Compression Vest. We then get to my biggest problem: measuring myself. It turns out that I am as incompetent at this as I am at everything else. I'm pretty sure that "under the bust line" is 29 inches, but the site tells me to measure "over
the fullest part of your chest. Again not too tight but not too loose." I do not know what too tight or too loose is! I'm pretty sure that the most accurate average of the two measurements is 31.5 inches, but there's some margin of error there. This is problematic since an extra small is 29 to 31 inches, and a small is 32 to 34. And if I can wear a small, then I can get the double layer vest, which offers more compression. I'm probably going to call their helpline tomorrow and ask for advice. I really don't want to get this wrong, considering the expense.

Being transgender: a bloody awful lot of work.

Er, anyway, I have paper to write.