Embryo of Philosophy

Ok, I have today to write my Judaism paper, tomorrow I work, Monday I study for my Spanish and Anthropology finals, and then on Tuesday I take those finals. Then I'm done... until my summer class.

So, on Wednesday I will attempt to comment and to answer comments. So, if you get a reply from a month-and-a-half ago or more, don't be surprised.

Alternately, on Wednesday, I may drop down dead, because I won't know how to handle having nothing to do.

I think that have reached the end of my Christianity and Democracy paper, at a little over ten pages. Except, it's supposed to be fifteen. I am so very fucked. And I've hardly started my lesbian lit paper. Did I mention that both of these are due today?

I need better coping skills. And time management skills.

This week has been absolutely miserable, and I may be losing my mind. School is too much, and I'm not sure how much longer I can handle it. I can't even take a semester off, because I'm paying for school with my dad's death benefits, and the only way I get those is if I'm in school.

But that's not actually the reason that I'm making this post. I'm making this post because tonight I will be going to a Bruce Springsteen concert! OMGYay! Not that I don't say that I'll be seeing Bruce Springsteen. That would not be accurate, as I have a behind the stage seat. But OMG!

I asked nearly everyone if they wanted to go with me, and everyone refused. Now, of course, they're all saying how they wish that they were going. I tried!

....Eeeeeeee!

I'm skipping anime club for the fourth time in a row. I can hardly believe it. That's been my one guaranteed thing ever since I started CU. But the first week, I went to a book signing by one of my favorite authors, the second week I had pulled an all-nighter and could do little more than go home and collapse, last week... uh, I honestly don't remember. This week, I just can't be bothered. I have to go back eventually, as I borrowed some manga from another member, but...

If I could get myself to do some schoolwork, the night wouldn't be a total loss. School is just killing me. I'm not sure how long I can go on like this. Plus, I appear to have acquired a terminal case of Do Not Give a Damn. This is not good for my GPA. I'm losing my damn mind.

But in "Oh my god, oh my god, this is too unbelievably amazing for words!" news, John Cameron Mitchell, director and star of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch," my very favorite movie ever, is going to be at CU! I'll copy and paste the email that I was sent.

On March 16th and 17th the Conference on World Affairs Athenaeum Lecture Series will host filmmaker John Cameron Mitchell on CU's campus. Mr. Mitchell is best known for writing, directing, and starring in the 2001 rock musical film "Hedwig and the Angry Inch," which received the Best Director and Audience Awards at the Sundance Film Festival. His second film, the sexually frank "Shortbus" (2006), won various awards at the Athens and Zurich festivals. As an actor, Mr. Mitchell has also appeared in the original Broadway casts of "The Secret Garden," "Six Degrees of Separation" and "Big River."

On Monday, March 16th Mr. Mitchell will screen "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" in Muenzinger Auditorium at 7 PM and follow with a Q&A. The screening is free and open to the public.

On Tuesday, March 17th at 7 PM Mr. Mitchell will be featured at a FREE catered student dinner, entitled "Hedwig: Life of an Indie Bombshell." He will eat with everyone, and then give a talk on his career experiences as an actor, writer, and director. Seating is limited so to attend you must send an RSVP to ATH@colorado.edu.

I'm really hoping that he'll be able to sign stuff. But what to get signed? I'll probably have my Hedwig script and lyric book signed. I don't have the CD anymore, ever since someone at my dad's house ruined it. (Luckily, the music was ripped to my computer.) I wonder if I'll be able to get more than one thing signed. The movie too, then?

Of course, it will still be wonderful, even if I don't get an autograph. I'm so excited!

I had my last two final exams and turned in my final paper yesterday. One way or another, the semester is over. I may have bombed all three of the exams though. Seriously, I mean that. I could remember hardly anything we learned in class this year during my Spanish final. I just couldn't remember. It was miserable.

But I don't think I'll actually fail anything. (And hopefully I won't get anything less than a C.) I'm not worrying about my grades so much, ever since I decided not to go to grad school. For years, I've been planning on being being a librarian, which requires an advanced degree. But recently I've realized that as much as I love books, my heart belongs to social justice work. So now I plan on working for a non-profit after I graduate, probably feminist or GLBT rights related. I think that I'll be happier this way. I've always planned on at least volunteering, this way I'll have more time to devote to (and get paid for) doing what I was going to do anyway.

I've always hated school. There's just no reason to go to grad school and prolong my misery.

In other news, my Yuletide story is uploaded. Now I'm freaking out, certain that I should have looked over it at least a dozen more times, put stuff in, taken stuff out. Ack! But it's in, and there's nothing else that can be done.

So now there's a huge load off of my mind.

Today in Abnormal Psych, we went over Gender Identity Disorder. It went better than I was anticipating. (The section of the book on GID is horrid. The case study is a man who thinks he's a woman, but actually turns out to be just only confused, and he simply needed the therapist to talk some sense into him! And very little attention payed to the fact that that's not normally how it goes, damn it.) The teacher had some pronoun issues, but it was clear that he knew what pronouns he was supposed to be using, he just kept slipping up. And he'd correct himself. As unofficial transgender ambassador to the cisgender world, I filled in blanks in his knowledge, and he was grateful for it. (I was worried that he'd see me as a stuck up know-it-all. Which, okay, I am, but that's beside the point.) And none of the students said anything stupid or offensive! I was pleasantly surprised.

I am under massive stress, but I'm dealing quite well. I'm firmly convinced that the world is a horrible, evil place, but it's a relaxed, matter-of-fact sort of opinion. And I think it should largely dissipate once I a) get more of my mood stabilizers and b) am finished with finals.

Stupid NextRX. All I want to do is order more drugs. Why are you making it so difficult?

Just for the hell of it, some articles. First, something cheerful.

( Obama critized for using complete sentences )

Now, not so silly.

( Red Sex, Blue Sex. Why do so many evangelical teen-agers become pregnant? )

In the spirit of the discussion in psych class:

( Atlanta's Intersex Police Officer Seeks Awareness )

Just how much of a procrastinator am I? So much that I'm even late in wishing myself a happy birthday. Happy birthday me!

It was a really fun birthday, for all I was dreading it. I got lots of a presents. (Seriously, I was spoiled this year. I think my mom feels guilty that my father isn't around to celebrate my birthday.) Plus, my mom, my brother, and I went out to a really nice restaurant. The food was so good. It was a little embarrassing, but, man, you would have thought that I was orgasming right there in the restaurant. It was really yummy. (Lobster ravioli with tiger shrimp, sushi grade ahi tuna with tempura sea scallops, and three different kinds of crème brûlée.) Also, I had my first legal drink! I don't remember what it was called, but it was good. (I do remember what was in it: champagne, blackberry syrup, and a twist of lemon.)

I'm back to slacking off regarding my school work. Two weeks of studying hard, then it's back to bad habits. But my life is moving forward in other ways. I signed up to start volunteering at Left Hand Books, a not for profit, volunteer staffed, radical bookstore. I'm really excited. It will give me experience with books, which will be helpful when I want to start grad school/my career as a librarian. Not only that, but I'll around people who can relate to me. See, I care. I care about the environment, racism, classism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, the oppression of developing nations by the American empire, the erosion of civil rights in the US, political prisoners being tortured, attacks on science by the religious right, blatantly false sexual education being taught in our schools, and more. I care a whole hell of a lot. This sounds like bragging, but it's just a fact. And I don't know many people who care on the same level. But at Left Hand Books, I'll be able to find plenty.

I keep meaning to do an article post, but politics are depressing me so much. I should at least do my "John McCain is a homophobic, sexist, hypocritical, warmonger, and no one should vote for him; also Sarah Palin is sexist, horribly homophobic, hypocritical, blatant liar, and no one should vote for her either" post.

So, yeah, that's me right now. Oh, here's a meme from andmydog:

When you see this, post a Douglas Adams quote in your journal.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Bad news: I feel like shit. I'm emotionally and physically drained, and I still have to write papers and take two finals. I'm not sure I can make it without just dropping dead of exhaustion.

Good news: I got the job at Blockbuster! It should pay me good money, and cataloging and managing a video collection should look better on a resume than grocery store work when looking for a library job.

Also going to see Sweeney Todd with tekararogue tonight. Yay free movie at CU! I'm going to try and not compare it with the stage version too much. Johnny Depp's singing voice sounded like crap in the trailers. I am prepared for this. Helena Bonham Carter will be no Angela Lansbury. (I have the original Broadway cast recording.) I am also prepared for this.

I'm also going to see the play at the Denver Center for the Performing Arts on June 21! Yay!

Bad news: I seem to have lost my fanfic notebook permanently. This seriously depresses me. Like whoa.

Good news: I've got an interview at Blockbuster for a summer job. Wish me luck.

I finally turned in my super late religious studies paper. Only over a week late! I have another one due tomorrow. If you think that I've started, then you haven't been paying attention.

I could ponder why I'm like this, but I haven't found the answer yet, so I don't see why today should be any different.

The thing I'm pretty sure I should feel guilty about? When other people on my friends list talk about having similar problems, I think "Oh, thank god it's not just me." I shouldn't feel good that people I like are having difficulties, but knowing that intelligent people whom (...or is it who?) I like and respect struggle with the same things that I do (I first typed that as "due"-- Freudian slip) makes me feel less worthless. And I could do with feeling a little less worthless.

I'll end this here. I have important procrastinating to do.

So, I'm writing a paper on Catholic Just War Theory and it's relationship to the war in Kosovo/the Balkans during the Clinton administration. I chose that conflict specifically, because I figure that everyone in the class will choose the current war in Iraq, and because while I want the war to end, and I hate Bush as much as anyone, I dislike the common view that's very much "This is all the Republicans' fault, and bush is the most evil president since Nixon, since he got us into a war." The democrats are not heroes, people.

But, that's not the revisionist history I came here to talk to you about.

While doing my research, I came across this quote:

The desire to avoid war is a fundamental idea in the Christian view of politics, just as the romanticization of war is a pagan one that reflects a disregard for the sanctity of life.

Tell the first part of that sentence to our current administration. As I've stated, Bush isn't unique in going to war, but I'm fairly sure that his constant invoking the power of God is not usual. Presidents usually talk about democracy, freedom, and justice when they want to justify war. It's propaganda meant to tug at your heartstrings, but it's secular.

Also, tell it to Emperor Constantine, who converted to Christianity specifically to gain victory in battle. Tell it to Pope Urban I, who called on his followers to go "retake the holy land" (kill Muslims), and so started the first crusade. Unfortunately, his speech was among the most convincing in history, because a mass of peasants did go out and try to "retake the holy land." Along the way, they slaughtered a lot of Jews, until they finally reached Jerusalem... and were promptly all killed by the Muslims, because the Muslims had an army, and the peasants were... you know, peasants and sightly lacking in military training.

And you know I have a warped, morbid sense of humor, because I envision this last battle as a kind of Eddie Izzard-esque farce. (I'm also adding in Eddie Izzard's voice, which automatically makes it funny.)

Muslim One: What the hell is up with these guys?
Muslim Two: Some Christians. They're revolting.
Muslim One: I'm not going to make the obvious joke. What are they armed with?
Muslim Two: Well, they've got some shovels.
Muslim One: Shovels?
Muslim Two: A few of them might have pitchforks.
Muslim One: That's not going to be much of fair fight.
Muslim Two: I don't know. You don't want to know what they did to the Jews along the way.
Muslim One: ...We can't make that funny.
Muslim Two: Better end the skit, then.

And that's how it happened.

As for the second part: "just as the romanticization of war is a pagan one that reflects a disregard for the sanctity of life," well, that's just insulting.


EDIT: Another quote!

Just war doctrine wasn’t so widely ignored at one point in U.S. history. During the Civil War, Tom Woods of Columbia University has pointed out, Catholic newspapers in the North-at the direction of the bishops-editorialized on behalf of the South, the region that fought with a just cause in mind, first for the principle of subsidiarity, and to protect homes and property from invading Union troops. Slavery has long been discouraged by Catholic teaching, but Just War doctrine could not be violated to abolish it.

That is, the greater evil-war-could not be used to end a lesser evil. Slavery should have been discontinued, as is was in all other countries except Haiti, by peaceful means

The words, they fail me. I don't see how fighting for the right to own human being can be thought of as just cause. And who is this guy to decide that slavery is the "lesser evil"?