Embryo of Philosophy

It's not often that i really and truly make the 0_o face, but after the past ten minutes (Ten minutes!), it's the only logical reaction.

First it was a a website for Christian t-shirts. Christian t-shirts are an attempt to make Christianity "cool." (I wasn't aware that religions needed to be cool, but what do I know?) For a while, it was very popular for t-shirts to have imitations of well known products replaced with some Christian-like text (for example, a shirt with Budweiser logo, with text that read "King of Kings" instead of "King of Beers), that may have gone out of style by now. I don't think that it's impossible to have a well done t-shirt with Christian theme, but you're not likely to find one at this kind of site or stall. I'm used to these shirts being silly or foolish, but sometimes... When I saw this one, I actually exclaimed out loud. It's just so... tactless isn't a strong enough word. I very weird thing about this specific type of Christian is the feeling that I accord their religion more respect than they do.

If that doesn't horrify you as much as it does me, I have something else for you. Have you ever thought that semen has been underused as a cooking ingredient? No, you probably haven't. As well you shouldn't. But some people did, and that's how Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes came into being. I really do think that I may be scarred for life. You thought Rocky Mountain oysters we bad. They've got nothing on "man made oysters." Or how about, "Fresh tuna and fresh semen are a splendid food combination." "Creamy Cum Crepes"!

I like to think that I have made your day a little more surreal.

Yesterday, my mom called me up.

Her: We have a problem.

Me: We do?

Her: Yes. Not only did you kill Jesus*, you're also destroying the rain forest.

Me: I am?

Her: Yes. The Pope has said that "saving" gays is just as important as saving the rain forest. "Saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behavior was just as important as saving the rain forest from destruction." He also said that "The Church should also protect man from the destruction of himself. A sort of ecology of man is needed." And "The tropical forests do deserve our protection. But man, as a creature, does not deserve any less."

Me: I see.

Her: Yes, "behavior beyond traditional heterosexual relations" is "a destruction of God's work."

Me: Right then.

We talked a little more, and laughed about my role in the destruction of the rain forest. I should explain, that my mother is joking. She does not actually believe that I killed Jesus, nor does she think that I'm destroying the rain forest.

Anyway, today I found an actual article on the Pope's statement.

( Pope likens 'saving' gays to saving the rainforest )


*A few years back, my mom and I were waiting in line at the grocery store, and we saw a magazine that had some headline about Jesus. My mom whispers in my ear "Jesus died because you're gay." We both crack up. There we are, cackling like loons in the grocery store, and no one else has the first clue what's so funny. If we were a more religious family, this would probably be my big homophobia related trauma. However, since we're not, it's just a continuing inside joke.

One of my dollar bills had writing on it. It said, "Protect our borders." I, for one, agree completely. We are not policing our border with nearly enough rigour. The main problem, I think, is that we're not paying attention to the correct border. I don't trust those Canadian fuckers. They pretend to be all friendly, but I'm sure that they're planning a takeover. Then they'll come down and impose their way of life on us. Health care for everyone! Politeness! Not taking Focus on the Family's crap!

...On second thought, I for one welcome our new Canadian overlords.


In other new, I just a second ago, uh, dumped water all over my keyboard. Way to go, Veleda.

I just received my Yuletide assignment, and I'm beginning to see the downside of this anonymity thing. See, I'm panicking. And I want to tell you why I'm panicking, so you can panic with me, or reassure me, or just tell me to shut the fuck up. But I can't.

Also, why do "panicked" and "panicking" have "K"s while "panic" doesn't? Seriously, what's with that?

Today was all right, except for the fact that I'm hacking my lungs out. I had to leave my Women in Islam class because I couldn't stop coughing. Loudly. I hate being sick.

Dear dancing_serpent,

I’m afraid our romance is over. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped outside of Chicago and I saw you insult my father. I’m sure you’re frostbitten enough to understand that I did a sex-change. I’m returning your ring to you, but I’ll keep your left ear as a memory. You should also know that I never liked eggplant-fetishism.

Go and drown yourself,

Veleda


( How to write your own letter of confession )

This is a few days old, but Jack Thompson has been disbarred.

For those of you not in the know, Jack Thompson is a conservative Christian, now ex-lawyer, who has engaged in many crusades against whatever has offended his sensibilities, such as violent video games, The Sims computer game, and the Florida Bar Association. (Seriously. To quote Wikipedia, "He said that the bar was engaged in a vendetta against him because of his religious beliefs, which he said conflicted with what he called the bar's pro-gay, humanist, liberal agenda." And he wanted a Florida judge to declare the whole Association unconstitutional.)

Thompson has many words of wisdom, such as, "The Bible doesn't promote killing innocent people, Grand Theft Auto does. Islam does." His sheer ignorance is astounding. To quote him again, "Islam promotes the killing of innocent people. The Quran requires the infidel, whether Jew or Christian, to be killed. ... That's a core essence of the religion. ... Muhammad was a pirate who killed infidels and who advocated the killing of infidels - not a nice guy. Osama bin Laden is in keeping with his fine tradition." Besides being ridiculously bigoted, that's just plain incorrect. To quote the Quran, "And do not dispute with the followers of the Book ["Followers of the Book" refers to Christians and Jews- Veleda] except by what is best, except those of them who act unjustly, and say: We believe in that which has been revealed to us and revealed to you, and our God and your God is One, and to Him do we submit." There's also "Verily! Those who believe and those who are Jews and Christians, and Sabians, whoever believes in God and the Last Day and do righteous good deeds shall have their reward with their Lord, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve." It's true that there are also Quranic statements that advocate a more adversarial stance, but honestly, how many religious texts don't present their religion as superior to all others? None in the Abrahamic religions, that's for sure.

Some of the things he says leave me confused, and, well, almost like a voyeur. Quoting Wikipedia again, "He also claims that the PlayStation 2's DualShock controller 'gives you a pleasurable buzz back into your hands with each kill. This is operant conditioning, behavior modification right out of B. F. Skinner's laboratory.'" I mean, a "pleasurable buzz?" Into your hand? Just how sensitive are your hands, Jack? It's not a vibrator. (Though, that gives me an idea for a controller/vibrator bundle pack. You'd hook everything up to the console, and when you scored a point...right, I'll stop now.)

I also like (well, for certain values of "like") his reaction the Bully video game. "We just found gay sexual content in Bully as Jimmy Hopkins makes out with another male student. Good luck with your Teen rating now." The ESRB was sort of like, "Uh, yeah, we knew that when we rated it Teen. It's not like it was hidden content." (That's a rather heavy paraphrase.)

But, enough with the boring stuff. I know what you're asking. You're asking, "Just how disbarred is he?" There are some answers here My favorites include:

"Jack Thompson is so disbarred he isn't even allowed to read Shakespeare." (Hee, dis-Bard. Sorry, it's my favorite.)

"Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can't even file briefs in his underwear drawer."

"Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can't even practice the law of gravity."



You know, I'm actually still on this vibrator/video game. I think I need one for my DS. It would give shouting "OBJECTION!" in Phoenix Wright an extra oomph. And when Franziska hits you with her whip....right, sorry, I'll just be going now. Forget we ever had this conversation. Please.

With work, school, and other stuff, I don't really have time to update. But, in the interest of giving you an idea of what I'm currently up to, I''l list my last three google searches.

1. British nobility ranking
2. Spore Creature
3. Cyanide antidote.

Anyway, as you can see, I've got stuff to do.

You know you've been playing Sims 2 too much when you almost press the 3 key in an attempt to speed up reality.

I should definitely be in bed.

I have a final in a few hours, and I should be studying, but I have to document these encounters, or I fear that I will forget them.

So, I have this constant need for motion. If I have to sit in one place, then this expresses itself as lots of fidgeting, but I prefer something more active. A good way to do this is swinging. It's constant motion, I don't risk running into anyone, and I can do it as long as want. I realize that I look extremely odd, a college student doing something meant for children, but the benefits outweigh the embarrassment.

It does seem to bring all the weirdos to the yard though.

Encounter one: While swinging, a woman comes up to me.

Her: Hey kid!

Me: *Turns to look*

Her: All the food we buy is poisoned, even what we buy in the grocery stores. *Holds up a milk jug full of water* That's why I came here to get water. (There's a creek right next to the park.) So be careful!

Me: Gotcha!

Well, what else does one say? I could have pointed out that filthy creek water probably wasn't much better, but there didn't seem to be a point.

Encounter two: After I finish swinging, and I'm walking to the bus stop, a young man stops me.

Him: Excuse me.

Me: *Stops, assuming he wants directions.*

Him: What's your name?

Me: *More than a little weirded out* "Uh, Veleda." (Not actual name given.)

Him: I'm *I honestly can't remember what he said.* I saw you swinging, and I just want to tell you that God has something special for you in store.

Me: Um, ok. That's... good.

Him: I just wanted you to know.

Me: Well... good to know.

Then we parted ways.

You know, I think I'm less weirded out by the poisoned food lady. I mean, she was obviously crazy, and in general, being crazy sucks, but one of the few benefits is that you get to say crazy stuff, and no one will be surprised. Plus, there's a small part of me that honestly wouldn't surprised if it turned out to be true. Plus, with all the hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup that's in so much of what we eat, and all the reports of arsenic and lead in our drinking water, I'm not sure I can call it completely false. (Dirty creek water still isn't the answer though.)

On the other hand, the God guy looked and sounded completely normal. And what he said wouldn't have sounded out of place in a church, but I was just a random person on the street. And I have always found it extremely difficult to believe that any higher power there might be has a specific interest in me. I always figure that God/the goddess/the universe is way to busy running the big picture to pay attention to my puny life.

Anyway, on rare occasions, my life is interesting